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Edric Diary

Edric Diary: Being Rejected By My Own Father

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Edric Diary

I Have been wanting to write this for so long, but at the same time scared to put myself out there and be subjected to people’s opinion, judgment, and statement on my life… But amid all those fears (Lmao I sound wired)… I have mustered up the courage to finally write the first installment of this series… Yeah, I call it a series.

At first, I didn’t really know what to name it, but I just decided to go with the “Diary” stuff, but it’s indeed a very personal event that happened in my life in real-time, not a friction story cooked up in my head.

The first installment, clearly from the topic is about being denied and rejected by my father while I was in my mother’s womb, I am an illegitimate child of my father, and the man who, unfortunately, is my father rejected me before birth, and for 13-years, for reasons, I don’t know maybe he just decided to be the real definition of men are scum from unset… I was a child, who could I have possibly done wrong?!!

To even give an explanation of my mom’s relationship with my dad, they were in a romantic affair and it wasn’t one-sided because it was my dad that was toasting her up and down… she wasn’t just a one-night stand lady that came into his life for just a night activity, they dated for over two years before she got pregnant with me… although I can say she was also at fault because she was got herself involved with a married man with 5 kids!!! What was she thinking at that time? What was she even expecting from having a relationship with that kind of man at that point? Become a second wife?

Whenever my mom described the event that leads to my father rejecting me as his child, she said it was also a shocker to her that he would deny he got her pregnant, well based on the fact that she was already a single mother to my elder sister before they met, and he was like a father figure to my elder sister, he was so nice to my half-sister that sometimes he bought baby food for her… he was accomodating and loving of my half-sister (for the sake of easy identification let’s refer to my half-sister as Racheal), which always makes me wonder, then why did he reject me? I wasn’t born an imbecile obviously, I wasn’t born with any physical challenge like being disabled, blind… whatever reason a parent will have not to love their child… if anything I am a carbon copy of my dad’s image!

With everything going on and my mom being disgraced with the fact that she has a second child whose father is nowhere to be found, she moved to Lagos with me and my sister… Fast forward to 6-years later she got into a relationship with another man and they eventually got married (a story for another day) and gave birth to my younger brother (let call him Rafael). We weren’t financially stable but we had a roof over our head and we had 3 square meals a day, I mean we were living on a hand-to-mouth policy.

My mom was a single mother to me and my sister, Racheal, she had to pay for our school fees, and mehhhnnn we all know the most expensive education is the Primary school through secondary school… it wasn’t easy but with the help and favor of God we were pushing through. I can say my mom partially took out the frustration of our dad’s MIA on me and my sister because she would say hurtful things whenever she got angry or frustrated with expenses or just general things in her marriage and life. She would say hurtful things like “Born bastards”, “Your dad saw that you will be useless, that’s why he ran away”… you know things like that, guess that’s why I have a thick skin, and grew up to act more mature than my age because I didn’t want to do things that could make her annoyed, So my behavior was on auto-correct, didn’t have the pleasure to make mistake like other kids. I guess the frustration came mostly from my dad because he practically dragged her name through the mud and disgraced her at every chance he got because whenever he was out he publicly claimed he wasn’t the father to the child my mum was pregnant with at that time.

I feel my father figure changed when I traveled with my mom and aunty who came in from America, traveled to my village for an event, I stayed with my mom’s grandma while my mom and my aunt stayed at a hotel close to town for easy movement, so one of the days when I didn’t go and meet my mom, my grandma said we were going to see my dad… You can imagine all the adrenaline running through my blood, veins, mention it.. anything that had a path in my body, the tension was gushing through that path. I was tensed… sweating all over my body, this was the first time I was meeting this man.

The things going through my mind was what if we went there and he threw us out, what if he sees me and doesn’t like me, “what if” was all that ran through my minds. Being the matured young guy I was forming macho man I didn’t let me grandma see-through me and know I was having wild thought in my head, I mean all this was happening when I was just only 13-years old fresh out from junior secondary school and had just nailed my junior WAEC and NECO.

I can say my dad is comfortable, I mean the folk has a hotel in our village, his house where his wife and their five children live is at Admilarty in Lekki, they were living the la Vida Loca life while me, I was moving from one tenant house to another all my life!! On the mainland.

Back to the where I left off of going to see my dad at his hotel, I had my bath, I don’t think I have ever spent that much time having my bath and brushing my teeth in my life, I was like, I have to look my best!!!

After I finished preparing like I was going to a red carpet show, I and my grandma set off, his hotel was practically in the same vicinity as my grandma house, I always knew because my mom told me, whenever I was coming back from an outing, I always looked at the building, and I must say, at that time it was like a mansion, I always told myself I have seen nothing like it before… Lmao. We got there and we told the hotel receptionist we were here to see him…. he lives at the hotel penthouse. We waited at the bar with my heart racing like a fucking Usain Blot running a 100m race… this was the first time I would be seeing him physically, even the picture my mom had of him was in the 1990s, I bearly knew what he looked like, but my mom said I looked a lot like him, in fact, everyone who saw me and knew my father always said I was spitting image of my dad.

We waited for 10mins at most and he came down… my heart dropped. The first thing that came to my mind was… ‘why is he short? Is that why I am also not that tall?’. As he came inside the bar where I and my grandma were sitting, he greeted my grandma with respect, then I said “Good morning sir” and he said “Ehhhn, how are you” (Typical Igbo men response to greetings)… he didn’t offer us anything, thinking about it now, how rude of him not to even offer us water!!

Then my grandma stated the point of why we were there, saying that she wants him to take over his responsibility in my life and that her daughter (my mom) has tried to single-handedly take care of me for over 13-years, asking him maybe he wanted to come into the pictured after my mom has suffered to put me through all my education, then he will not come and eat out of what he did not sow (She wasn’t shouting, she was talking like an adult who commanded respect due to the age difference). Then calmly he replied saying that he has heard and will get in contact with my mom. Then we left, everything ringing in my head was ” JUST LIKE THAT… WHAT JUST HAPPENED, WAS HE JUST TRYING TO GET RID OF US BY TELLING US THAT??!!”

I expected him to see me and give me a hug asking me to forgive him, even if my imagination went too far by me thinking me will ask for forgiveness, at least an explanation would be okay!! Anything really would have worked if he saw him and just accepted me… I was feeling less than a human being whose father didn’t want anything to do with him even after seeing his child in reality.

TO BE CONTINUED…

(This was longer than I had expected, but the next series won’t, I will create an “Edric Diary” page so that it will be easy to access. I will post this once a week, every Monday.)

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Benbeezy

    May 4, 2020 at 10:19 pm

    So sorry you had to go through this… There are some people that really do have dads but denied but still say their dads rejected them.

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